One day I woke up in a mud pen.
The day that I found myself in the mud pen, was the day I found the Torah.
Most people when they hear the word Torah, immediately think of the word “Jewish” or “laws/legalism,” but the day I found it, the word that came to my mind was “treasure.”
The word Torah simply just means “instructions.” It’s the first five books of Scripture. When I say I found it, it wasn’t that it was my first time reading it, but it was my first time having the words revealed to me and written on my heart.
I found what I had been searching for all along.
For 4.5 years, I was trying to learn what it meant to be obedient, to be the light, and how to live righteously. Secretly, I wrestled with wondering if I was really saved, because although I was doing my best to be “righteous,” there was always something that seemed to be missing. I was hungry for more but I didn’t know what that was exactly.
Just “believing” was not a good enough answer for me because deep down I felt that there was so much more to it than that. Reading the Word left me more curious for more study and clarity for the questions I wrestled with privately for YEARS.
The day I woke up in the mud pen, having the revelation of the Torah revealed to me, left me feeling absolutely disgusted and overwhelmingly grieved. I thought I was clean, but my wedding gown was still filthy, yet I didn’t know it. I didn’t know that I was still sinning unknowingly.
It was that day that I learned the true difference between the “wise virgins” and the “foolish virgins.”
Ever since that day, all I can think about is getting my wedding gown ready. The Word says that Yahusha is coming back for a spotless bride (Eph. 5:27). He is not coming back for those for are still “playing the harlot” and whoring after other gods.
Unfortunately, the body of Messiah has been deceived by wolves in sheep’s clothing who are preaching a counterfeit gospel that is nothing like what our Messiah actually taught. It is so hard to explain because the deception is so deeply rooted. I’m trying to be very careful in allowing Yah to direct my steps on exposing this.
The Word of Yahuah is the most breathtaking, supernatural, heart-crushing, joyful, painful, beautiful treasure we could ever find. It blows my mind how His Set-Apart (Holy) Spirit has been with me this whole time, leading me, teaching me and helping me understand. He recently gave me the greatest deliverance I’ve ever received.
Coming into this truth was not easy. As the strongholds of the lies and the chains of deception were being broken over me as I cried out to the Name “YAHUAH,” I am not exaggerating when I say that I could feel myself being ripped from the claws of Satan. I could physically feel the heat of his anger in my mind. I could feel his claws spiritually trying to rip me apart.
For months, the enemy tormented me. I couldn’t even pray. All I could muster out was “ Yahuah...I don’t know if that is even your name but I do know your word says that you’ll fight for me, and that I just need to be still. So that’s what I’m going to do.”
After several months, the fog lifted, the cataracts fell, and the veil over my face was torn away.
No amount of church sermons or Bible college can teach you the things that are of the Spirit. The Bible is a mystery in itself, in which you have to understand the mind of Yah in order to have the revelation of His Word inscribed in your mind and heart. Nobody can teach it to you—it has to be revealed to you by Him and Him alone.
I know what love means now. I know exactly how to love others now. I know how to love my Father and our Messiah. I actually know my Father now. I know what His will is. I know how He wants to be worshipped. I know what is required of me. I know how to live righteously. I know what to be obedient to.
This is why His Torah (instructions) have been such a treasure to me. It was an answer to many years of prayer.
And the most beautiful part about it all is that I truly want to obey everything He says, because of how much I love Him.
Obedience isn’t a burden to me--it’s a blessing.
“For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says Yahuah; I will put my laws into their mind and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them an Elohim, and they shall be to me a people.”
Hebrews 8:10
Yahusha continues to get these stains off of me every single day. I need Him so desperately to be my intercessor and mediator, to cover my sins while I still learn how to walk this narrow path.
He truly is The Good Shepherd.
With love,
Stephanie